


All the Time in the World

by Seraph_Novak



Series: Destiel One-Shots [46]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Birthday, Cute, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, Human Castiel (Supernatural), M/M, Meta, Nightmares, One Shot, Post-Finale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-24
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-16 23:27:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28964619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seraph_Novak/pseuds/Seraph_Novak
Summary: In the early hours of his 42nd birthday, Dean wakes up from a nightmare about what might have been... It's the same thing every year. But this time, Castiel is there to comfort him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel One-Shots [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/351392
Comments: 17
Kudos: 56





	All the Time in the World

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I know it's been a while since I last posted... When 15x18 came out, I was honestly too stunned to write anything. That entire week I was riding an enormous high and enjoying all the wonderful fics everyone else was producing. And then 19 & 20 came out, and I just didn't have the heart to write a fix-it fic. The disappointment from the lack of resolution Destiel received was too much, if I'm being honest with you, and I wasn't sure if I was ever going to be able to write them again. But luckily, this amazing fandom managed to cheer me up and fill me with inspiration.
> 
> I know we're all devastated about how the show ended - it's quite honestly one of the worst, most insulting and painfully regressive series finales I've ever watched - but that doesn't take away from the fact that WE WON, GUYS. Destiel is LITERALLY canon. For years, we were mocked and gaslighted by other fans who tried to convince us we were "seeing things" and "making the show gay for no reason", but we were right all along. Castiel is canonically in love with Dean Winchester, and it's strongly implied that Dean feels the same way (and straight up canon, if you're going by the Spanish dub). I know we deserved so much better - a verbal reciprocation and/or an on-screen reunion would've been amazing - but at least we know that Dean and Cas are canonically in love and spending eternity together in heaven. 
> 
> HOWEVER... This isn't the ending I personally wanted for them. To me, the most fitting and satisfying conclusion to this show would've been a HAPPY ending, something which seems to be increasingly rare in shows lately. Every one of these wonderful characters - Dean, Cas, Sam, Eileen, Jack, and every other member of this beautiful found family - deserved to finally be at peace. But peace does NOT mean death, especially for suicidal characters who believe it's their only option. Killing Dean off like that was disgusting and pathetic. The writers thought they were being clever, showing us how Sam and Dean are no longer protected by Chuck, but all they did was teach their viewers - many of whom suffer from mental health problems, myself included - that no matter how much you fight, you may as well give up in the end. That nail didn't pierce any of his major organs or spinal cord - you don't need to be a medical expert to discern that - which means he literally gave up in that moment. If Dean had let Sam look for help, he most likely would've survived. And Cas's fate was no better; after exploring his depression and lack of self-worth for years, the writers thought it was perfectly okay for him to be killed off IMMEDIATELY after coming out, with not a single other character ever telling him he was loved, and then decided it was in character for Sam and Dean to just leave him to rot in The Empty. Um??? No thank you. Not my Sam and Dean. They would've done everything within their power to get Cas back, and to suggest otherwise is a blatant disregard of canon.
> 
> Basically, the series finale took the 3 most important lessons (in my opinion) that the show has taught us and trampled all over them: 1. Always keep fighting - Dean, who's been canonically suicidal for years now, gives up the fight after losing his best friend (the love of his life) and resigns himself to a death he could've easily avoided; 2. You are not alone - Sam is forced to spend the rest of his life alone, without Dean, Cas, Eileen, or Jack by his side; there is no mention of any of the other characters who survived, which suggests Sam lost contact with them, and instead found a painfully generic family he quite clearly wasn't content with in an effort to make Dean proud; 3. Family don't end in blood - Cas, the third most important character in the entire show, is tossed aside and barely mentioned in the finale, despite being considered family by both Sam and Dean for over a decade, simply because he isn't blood; the same goes for Eileen, who was canonically Sam's girlfriend by the end of the last season, and yet is traded for a blurry wife the writer's didn't even try and suggest was Eileen in the finale. 
> 
> I apologise for ranting, but this a culmination of all the thoughts I've been having for months now. Yes, we got canon Destiel, and yes, all the characters are technically reunited in heaven now, but that simply isn't good enough. The finale completely butchered all the characters and messages that made this show special, presumably for nothing more than shock value. It robbed Sam and Dean of meaningful relationships and character arcs outside of each other, and took us all the way back to the beginning of the show in some weak attempt at nostalgia. This fic reflects how I wish the show had ended, with all the characters HAPPY and ALIVE and TOGETHER. Maybe one day we'll see these characters on our screens again, but until then, we just have to use our imagination.
> 
> All likes and comments are very much appreciated ♥

Dean wakes with a start, drenched in sweat and shaking all over, a strangled whimper lodged in the back of his throat. The utter darkness of the room throws him off for a second, makes him wonder where the hell he is. He has to blink a few times to let his eyes adjust, the narrow strip of light from the hallway casting a faint glow beneath the door. If he squints hard enough, the shadows begin to separate, illuminating the shape of his feet at the end of the bed. He wiggles his toes, sees the covers shift ever-so-slightly, and allows himself to breathe.

He’s awake. He’s alive. Which means he’s made it to another birthday.

The mattress shifts beside him, a familiar hand pawing at his chest. He clears his throat, hates the way it breaks, and reaches for it blindly, his shoulders slumping at the sleepy squeeze of fingers around his wrist.

“Didn’t mean to wake you,” he says, voice hoarse.

Cas wordlessly switches on the bedside light, his bleary eyes and pillow-smushed hair the first thing Dean sees at the ripe old age of forty-two. It’s a whole lot better than waking up to the sight of his dad’s angry face when he was five years old, the dream-induced memories of his mom sleeping soundly beneath him as he burned on the ceiling reflected in the fire of John Winchester’s eyes. He can still picture him now: large hands taking him roughly by the shoulders and shaking him awake, the barked order to “snap out of it, boy!” ringing in his ears.

The nightmares have only gotten worse since then: premonitions of his own death, some more believable than others, plaguing his dreams on every single one of his birthdays. This one was different though. This one felt... real. As if he was skirting past an actual possibility, a narrowly avoided moment in time. It twists him up inside, makes him want to crumple forward and forget everything. 

He turns to Cas with a weak smile and whispers, “Hey.”

Cas tries to smile back, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. He hasn’t quite mastered the art of human deception yet. It’s only been a few months since he traded his celestial status for his freedom from The Empty, the remainder of his grace used to seal the cracks left behind by Jack’s self-implosion, blocking out the noise and allowing The Empty to go back to its eternal slumber.

As far as deals with ancient beings go, it was pretty sound. But Dean still feels responsible for everything that happened, even though Cas has done nothing but thank him for venturing into The Empty and bringing him home. He doesn’t deserve Cas’s praise, but he knows a graceless Cas is a whole lot better than a comatose Cas. He’s just glad to have him back at the bunker, where he belongs. With him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Cas asks, clearly not fazed by the soaked sheets tangled between them.

Dean screws his eyes shut, shakes his head. He isn’t saying no, just... trying to organise his thoughts. They’re a mess, as always. He doesn’t want to freak Cas out by spewing his emotional guts all over the place.

“It was a vamp’s nest,” he says, eyes still closed. “Me and Sammy were following a lead in dad’s journal. Haven’t done that in years. It was weird. Like... going back in time or something. And you weren’t there.” He looks up now, Cas’s face a blur. “I got pushed against a fricking nail, and you weren’t there. I just... bled out. Sam didn’t even try to help me. I died. And it felt real, man. Like a page straight outta one of Billie’s books, you know?”

Cas wraps his arms around him, one looping around his stomach, drawing Dean against his chest, and the other guiding his head to rest on his shoulder. His lips find Dean’s hairline, kissing the gray hairs sprinkled around his temple. Dean relaxes into the touch, lets the tears fall silently down his cheeks.

“It wasn’t real,” Cas murmurs softly. “Do you really believe Sam would let you bleed to death instead of simply calling an ambulance? Not to mention you could clear out a vamp’s nest with your eyes closed.”

Dean laughs, a wet sound muffled against the worn fabric of Cas’s oversized t-shirt.

“And I would be by your side, of course. Even if you hadn’t saved me from The Empty, I would’ve clawed my way out to be with you. I would never let you suffer alone. Especially over something as trivial as an ill-positioned nail. Surely you know me better than that?”

“I guess you do have a weird crush on me,” Dean says, playing along. “Kinda stalkerish. Always watching over me and shit.”

“This is true.”

“You’re a dork, you know that?”

“And you, Dean Winchester, are a highly capable hunter with a family that loves you very deeply. The chances of you dying by an easily avoidable and rectifiable mistake on a hunt are close to non-existent.” He draws back, just enough to capture Dean’s face in his hands and dry his tears with a sweep of his thumbs. “You are going to live to see another half-a-century’s worth of birthdays, if I have anything to do with it. And I will be there for each and every one of them. As long as you’ll have me.”

Dean nods in a daze, his skin burning all over. “Of course I will, you idiot.”

“Good.” Cas kisses his forehead and smiles, this one bright-eyed and genuine, the kind that makes Dean’s heart trip over itself. “Now... Do you think you’ll be able to get back to sleep?”

“I seriously doubt it, man.”

“That’s alright. I believe they play reruns of Dr. Sexy, M.D. between three and six. I’ll go make us some coffee.”

As he rolls out of bed, Dean grabs his arm and pulls him back. Cas lands against him with a soft thud, a curious brow raised. His eyes are still weighed down with dark bags, the corners crusted with sleep, and his hair is matted on one side and sticking out every which way on the other. He looks like a complete mess, and Dean is so in love with him it’s ridiculous. He doesn’t know how he got to the point where a fallen angel with a major case of bedhead is getting up before dawn to make him coffee on his birthday, but who even cares? He’s pretty sure he’s living his best life, and he’s not about to question it. Not today.

“I love you,” he says, melting internally at the look of stunned delight on Cas’s face. It’s the fifth time he’s said it (yeah, he’s counting) and Cas still can’t believe it. Maybe he should start saying it every day, like Cas does, just to drive the point home. But that’s not him, and Cas knows it. Respects it. Doesn’t ask anything more of him.

Plus, catching him off guard is fun. And kissing away the surprise is even better.

Cas makes a sweet humming noise against his lips, hands fluttering by Dean’s waist. His eyes are twinkling by the time Dean pulls away, his pinkened mouth pulled into a crooked grin.

“And I you,” he whispers in response. 

Cas pauses on his way out the bedroom, hand resting on the handle and back pressed up against the frame. With a piece of his shirt tucked into his boxers, and his bare legs pale and hairy in the lamplight, he looks more at ease than he ever has before. Humanity really does suit him.

“Happy birthday, Dean.”

He watches Cas disappear down the hallway, his heart full. He could definitely get used to mornings like this. Maybe, if he’s lucky, there will come a year when he doesn’t wake in a cold sweat on his birthday, all the nightmares and waiting to die finally a thing of the past.

One thing’s for sure: he has plenty of time and a kickass support system to help him get there.


End file.
